My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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