i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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