i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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