If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
God, I missed his penis.
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