So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
