I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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