Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
accomplished twins. life is a go
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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