I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
