I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
