A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
