she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
