Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
