he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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