sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
