That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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