This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
