Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
