There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
