i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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