i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
