I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
