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so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
