The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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