I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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