I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
