Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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