how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
