Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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