haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
