Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
