New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
