Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
