she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
