After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
