wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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