Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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