conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
