a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
