Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
