there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
