I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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