a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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