All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
