I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
