I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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