my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
