I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
