goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
