also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you never un-have a 4some
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
