So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
