dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
