Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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