I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
