Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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